That demned elusive Duffernel…
It has come to our attention that some of you are worried.
Her Duffyness, in her until-recently-wonted position
Over the last few months, several of you have noticed that Duffy has apparently become The Incredible Disappearing Lurcher.
Accustomed to seeing her dozing on the chair behind Robert as he holds forth on things historical – usually stirring only to stretch, yawn, then settle back to sleep; occasionally dreaming vociferously, often at a key dramatic moment - “the barbarians did what, you say? <whimper snuffle growl>” – you may have wondered whether she’s OK.
Given the appalling treatment and food deprivation which the poor dear has suffered since she came to Wrightington Towers, you may well wonder whether she’s simply wasted away.
Well I’m happy to reassure eager Duffywatchers that she is still very much not starved.
Don’t even try to eat toast and expect to avoid being guilt-tripped…
Au contraire.
She has, via a carefully, consistently, and persistently pursued campaign of attrition, ground us down, until we are but her creatures. whose main purpose on this earth is to ensure that all of her culinary requirements are fulfilled.
Surely he can’t be planning to eat ALL of that…?
She makes it clear whenever we fail to reach her perfectly acceptable and totally normal standards (i.e. on a daily basis).
Why, for example, are there not shellfish platters EVERY day, as opposed to just on the far-too-rare New Year’s Eve? More to the point, who told us that WE could eat any of said shellfish? Surely by now we should be sufficiently well-trained to know better…?
…And yes - of course she got some in the end!
She’s also not averse to conveying her dissatisfaction with the service at Wrightington Towers. I’m not sure how. Perhaps Pupadvisor…? …The Bitchelin Guide? Or maybe the Woof Food Guide. Whatever the medium, the word has apparently spread, as she’s been the very grateful recipient of special Duffy-treats courtesy of one of our Denizens.* Note how approvingly she is perusing the ‘menu’ here.
*[Fortunately, said most kind Denizen is in fact aware that Duffy is not actually as starved as she might have one believe. Which of course makes their generosity even lovelier!!]
So. The headline news is that Her Duffyness has not disappeared for elusive adventures, à la The Scarlet Pimpernel, and nor is she fading away, à la a starved, wafty-waify Victorian heroine.
That said, however, it’s not unheard of for her to disappear. See, for example, right, wherein she determinedly disappears from Robert’s planned walk.*
*[Yesss… “disappears”. That’s the word. Definitely not “obstinately refuses to join in and insists on getting the car door opened again IMMEDIATELY”. Then again, I can’t blame her. Regular Duffywatchers may recall how she feels about Weather, and I leave you to draw your own conclusions with regard to the likely Weather-related pleasures on this particular outing]
We suspect that her absence from The Chair is simply because she’s feeling her age, bless her. It’s certainly the case that she rarely scampers up and down the stairs with the spriteliness which used to be her wont (then again, the same could be said for me…). Instead, she now stays doggedly (I know… sorry-not-sorry) next to me on the sofa downstairs, as if snoozing for Britain.
But shoddy food service from us notwithstanding, she does still seem to be happy.
And yes – of course, with the perversity in which lurchers seem to especially delight… she will almost certainly now take up her traditional spot behind Robert at our very next course.
Sorry… what’s that? Why yes – there is indeed still time to book that very next (and now very imminent) course - and indeed to see whether whether Duffy will deign to make an appearance!
To see what’s coming up, check out our courses page here.